People

Headline: Worker dies at Long Island Wal-Mart after being trampled in Black Friday stampede

May all the expensive electronics they rushed to get deals on fall into their bathtub when they have just started to relax. Assholes.

Post Turkey Day

I can barely see straight. It's a damn miracle I even woke up this morning. I can't tell you how unfair it is to wake up on the Friday after Thanksgiving and realize you have to go to work to scour through 4 inch files for an audit. I hate audits. I hate the gov. I hate that I'm here. There was no one on the road this morning. Just kept reminding me how stupid it is that I have to go into work today.

More good news--My car died on Wednesday night. I was leaving my friends house and about 15 minutes down the road I notices the lights were really dim. Then it was having trouble accelerating. Then it all together died on the side of the road. I had a friend come and jump me, which worked temporarily. Enough to get Chivvonn down the road a bit before the same symptoms crept back up. Luckily the second time she died as I was coasting down a hill towards an auto repair shop that I had brought my Jetta to before. Nice guy but low and behold, he won't be back in the shop until Monday. Today I borrowed my mom's car, but I have rehearsal tomorrow and Sunday and I just don't know what I'll do. I'm tempted to go out and buy an American car because they're getting cheaper and cheaper, but it's nice not to have monthly payments and also it costs me < $150 to register the old girl. Boooo hooooooooooo. If anyone out there reads this and has exorbitant amounts of cash and wants to buy me a car in good old fashioned holiday spirit, I will be your cabana boy for a year.

Thanksgiving was really nice. I love playing with my 1 1/2 year old niece, she's a ham. And little Luke is such a good baby. He barely cries. Just eats and sleeps and snuggles. He's really strong and pretty much perfect! I can't believe I have a Godson!!!!! The food was really good and the traffic wasn't too bad in Boston.

Hope this finds you all well and happy. I am down but I'm not out.

PS--on the 6th day of no correspondence between me and Montana.

I haven't talked to my cowboy in three days. My thoughts are that this is one of two situations. The first is more idyllic because I see it as giving him his time to think, and me as well, and he will either come out of this wanting to continue to be with me, or think that a long distance relationship isn't worth it. The second story is realistic--I'm not happy and don't want to continue to maintain a relationship that's like fighting a losing battle. I have offered him all of myself, I have said countless time that I'm 100% committed and dedicated to him, I even offered to cram a 12 month internship into 6 months so that I could go out to Glacier this June.
He wasn't very keen on that idea. This is not a new development, as he is good at being an Indian Giver. In September he asked me to move out to Montana to be with him this winter. I actually considered it, but decided that it would be better for me to stay in NH and do the internship. Later he said he wouldn't have been ready to have someone living with him. Then he tells me he loves me, only to take it back less than a week later. Now I ask him what he wants, and all he says is, "I don't know. I need to think about it."

GAME OVER.

I am ready for a relationship and have made it clear that I would make this one work as best as I could, but for him to have his doubts speaks volumes and I honestly don't need to hear another word. I've called him EVERY DAY since I left Glacier, and after our last conversation, I haven't called him in three days, nor has he called me. I don't really want to call him, except to talk this out. I'm not gonna chase him down and demand that he explain himself. I have a good life. I am busy and happy. I am healthy, loved, have lots of friends, wealthy, lucky, I'm the friggin Nutcracker, a soloist, a LEAD role, I am an accomplished gymnast...I am fulfilled, save for the relationship that I want but don't have. I am patient and follow the most calming and relieving words I've ever heard, "Life Unfolds In Perfect Order." No need to control it, it is what it is.

So I hope he hears my thoughts and calls me and decides what he wants...

So Chivvonn, my 1990 Volvo stationwagon, just got inspected...four months after it was due...which set me back $600. The repairs it needed I pretty much accepted as the normal wear and tear that occurs when you drive your car across the country, no big deal. But lately I've wanted a new car so bad. I hate the thought of abandoning Chivvonn, but the relief from hassels that a new car provides is definately tempting. Not that I can afford a car, but anyway I really do love this car. It's safe and reliable and practical and slightly sexy. So, I made a list...

10 Reasons Why I Love My Car:

1. No car payment

2. Insurance is <$80/month

3. She gets decent gas mileage

4. It brought me to Montana and back safely

5. Seat warmers!

6. I can fit lots of junk in her trunk

7. I can (and have) fit 8-9 people in it

8. Good in the snow

9. I can sleep in the back fully stretched out with the seats down

10. Gigantic sunroof--My 4th car with one

10 Reasons Why I Dislike My Car:

1. 0-60 in like 2 minutes

2. The heater fan doesn't work

3. The rear windshield wiper get stuck so it looks like i'm flipping people off

4. I've put about $2000 in repairs in a year and a half of owning it

5. I'm 23 and still driving Mom's Volvo...

6. On the highway when it's cold the battery light flashes and the headlights dim...

7. The driver window doesn't align correctly so there's always a draft

8. No cd player and the tape player is broken...not to mention weak speakers

9. Expensive to repair

10. It's size warrants favors from people who need to move/go to the dump.

So, while I can't go out and get a new car anytime soon cause of the piles of bills I have to pay off, I can at least spend a lot of time researching new cars...someday this will be my reward: