Go placidly amidst the noise & the haste & remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly & clearly; & listen to others, even to the dull & the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud & aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater & lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let not this blind you what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign attention.
Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity & disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees & the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors & aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery & broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Goals
As of late the clouds have lifted from my line of sight. My vision has adjusted to see the expansive beauty of life, the long term goals at the end and everything in between. For so long I was overwhelmed by trying to find the meaning in my life. I found the answer by realizing I don't know the answer. I am one to believe that everything we do in life has meaning and only helps to develop knowledge of the self and the reason we're put here. So after a great chat with a great friend I was able to stop myself, erase the desire to already be at the end, and realign myself by setting up one goal at a time in hopes that the series of them will lead me to my ultimate goal....whatever that may be. How can i really know what I want beyond right now? Well I can start by figuring out how I want to define myself. I guess my ultimate goal is to be free...to do whatever I want, travel, see, be, whatever, whomever and wherever. But, I digress.
Goals. I found my next goal and that is to free myself of financial burdens. I am unique from many of my peers in that I am bogged down, literally being crushed by about $80,000 in debt from combined school loans and credit card debt. The credit card debt especially is nasty because it zaps my laughable monthly stipends. How am I ever supposed to get to a place that is free from all possession with that looming over my head? One step at a time, that's how. I can start by getting rid of the credit card debt because the school loans are deferred, thank GOD! yeah about a quarter of what i make monthly goes to credit cards, the rest goes to rent, utilities, gas, food, cell phone, etc. That's too much and especially the one card I've had since i was 18 that's charging me a 26% interest rate has GOT TO GO. Fuck them. I called last night trying to negotiate something, threatening to leave, questioning what the point of giving them business when they really have nothing to offer me. They had nothing to say in return except, "There's nothing I can do." Well, nothing you have to do, I'll do it for you. I will dig myself out of this whole and FREE myself. It will feel like flying when I'm done with you. I will get a job and erase school loans and any other debts and put myself up on the advantage. I can feel it and it's too good to go any other way. Watch out when I am set on something, I can create energy to move mountains and I always get what I want ;)
Goals. I found my next goal and that is to free myself of financial burdens. I am unique from many of my peers in that I am bogged down, literally being crushed by about $80,000 in debt from combined school loans and credit card debt. The credit card debt especially is nasty because it zaps my laughable monthly stipends. How am I ever supposed to get to a place that is free from all possession with that looming over my head? One step at a time, that's how. I can start by getting rid of the credit card debt because the school loans are deferred, thank GOD! yeah about a quarter of what i make monthly goes to credit cards, the rest goes to rent, utilities, gas, food, cell phone, etc. That's too much and especially the one card I've had since i was 18 that's charging me a 26% interest rate has GOT TO GO. Fuck them. I called last night trying to negotiate something, threatening to leave, questioning what the point of giving them business when they really have nothing to offer me. They had nothing to say in return except, "There's nothing I can do." Well, nothing you have to do, I'll do it for you. I will dig myself out of this whole and FREE myself. It will feel like flying when I'm done with you. I will get a job and erase school loans and any other debts and put myself up on the advantage. I can feel it and it's too good to go any other way. Watch out when I am set on something, I can create energy to move mountains and I always get what I want ;)
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
New Year New Me
Energy.
We are constantly sensing it. We are full of it. We create it and move it. We transmit it and receive it.
Energy is powerful. Necessary. Abundant. There is no such thing as good or bad energy, just energy.
I brought in the New Year on a euphoric wave of energy. I was miraculously able to step outside of my comfort zone, right out of myself, and give my energy to the beautiful people I spent New Year's Eve with, and it was amazing! It's incredible what can happen when we stop being people and become beings.
I leveled myself with those three others, which was no small feat. Had the edge not been synthetically removed, I would never have been so honest with myself and anyone else. I decided this is how I wanted the new year to be, "I, too, think that 2009 was one of the heaviest years in my life. Never before have I felt so weighed down and stuck in one spot. I haven't been able to connect with anyone else in a long time. It's hard sometimes for me to be myself and be open with others, but that is exactly what I want in 2010: transparent energy. I can see the energy I emit as a whitish-yellowish aura, shrouded in black on the outsides. I want to get rid of the black and let myself free."
Our group energy was flowing free, exploding wildly and never fast enough. From the top of our heads and the heat of our breath, it was evoked and sprang to life. It was palpable and I swear I felt us creating it. It felt like we had the power to lift up off the ground if we wanted. It felt like I was talking to God...no, beyond that. It wasn't like being suspended and immersed at the same time. It felt like what I would imagine Heaven or the Universe to be like. Imagine if you could feel the energy of every living thing, every soul, past or present, a net of energy all connected and all protecting. I knew we had the power to make changes and I felt we asked the universe what we wanted in 2010 and she listened. Finally, I was connected. Within seconds the universe responded and comforted me.
Ever since I have been feeling great about myself. This is the month that I will get a job offer, I can feel it. This is the year that I find myself out and am shown who I am and what I am here to do. No longer will my brain limit me, correct me, nor chastise, reprimand, make me feel guilty, make me feel trapped. There is no cap and there are no limits to what you can do in life and what makes you happy. Only yourself. I will not defend myself. I would let anyone in to feel this energy because the threat has been removed, the threat of myself! There is no higher moral ground than doing what you believe in, but standing up for something just because that's the way you were brought up, or that's what your parents believe in, or because society has deemed something this way or that is complete defeat. I can't allow any more sanctimonious ideologies to enter my being because when you develop and defend one definition of what is "right" you have automatically created a definition of "wrong", i.e. anything other than what you believe is "right". It was too close minded. It was literally closing the energy passageway that connects me to you. 
There I am! There is anyone you want to be. Anything. Everything. It's at our fingertips and it's passing through us and it's EXCITING because it is limitless. That is what human beings are, completely limitless. Our brains are massive, powerful energy conducting organs and I think our purpose in life is to utilize that energy that comprises us.
There I am! There is anyone you want to be. Anything. Everything. It's at our fingertips and it's passing through us and it's EXCITING because it is limitless. That is what human beings are, completely limitless. Our brains are massive, powerful energy conducting organs and I think our purpose in life is to utilize that energy that comprises us. Monday, May 4, 2009
Advocating for...idiots?
I came across this article and was impelled to write a response letter:
http://www.publicadvocateusa.org/news/article.php?article=4551
I’m less than shocked – public advocate USA sounds like a diplomatic voice for the people and yet your gay-bashing office is located in Virginia. Who else but the south to think they know what’s best for the country? You may feel vindicated in rallying to deny gay people the right to be together, through a union or a marriage, but a valid point that was apparently overlooked is that you have no right, no place, no real knowledge of anybody’s life but your own, and that is true for any person in the world. So I’m wondering, how dare you try and decide what’s best for the country? What makes your opinion worthy when such obvious circumstances are about to birth a civil revolution like so many in the past? I know that the government’s purpose is to create, reinforce, and retain smooth operation from a top-down approach and accordingly laws must be put in place as guidelines. What I don’t know is how your purpose – banning two people of the same sex rights that any other ‘straight’ person can readily pursue – benefits yourself, your state, your region or your country. How exactly could two men being together act to the detriment of anyone else? If your twisted realm of thinking is imagining that allowing gay marriage will amount to all straight marriages being reneged, you are misinformed, and causing more harm and good.
Think about it: two gay men, typically educated and employed, without children pulling in decent salaries and happily living their lives in a community, including paying taxes to that community, etc. Then the opposite extreme: a man and woman with many children, uneducated, unmotivated, accepting welfare and unemployment instead of searching for a job to better their lives, and jeopardizing the success and healthy upbringing of their children. To be clear in my example, your group is advocating that it would be just fine for a man and woman to have as many children as they want, and have no regulation or hopes of leaving their close-minded community and bettering themselves and their children’s’ lives rather than two men or women together bringing money and wishing/promoting acceptance into their lives and towns? Obviously these are just scenarios and I don’t typecast those relationships as typical of straight people or gay people, I’m just going with the trend as I have seen it.
I myself am a 23 year old young professional, born and raised in NH, attended UNH with no financial assistance from my family, now in my third year of federal employment conserving land and natural resources across the country. I am an athlete: gymnast and dancer with goals to continue a successful career in both conservation and dance. I am extremely family and friend-oriented and have a huge network of people that love and support me. I want to be married, some day, and maybe have children too. What exactly, besides your unwarranted judgments and false accusations of blasphemy, makes me a bad person or unworthy of those things that I have worked all my life for??? Nothing is the correct answer. And what do you those in your group do with their lives, aside from ruining dreams of others? Your purpose should evolve from terrorizing innocent gay people into one that advocates for all marriages and all people. How will you even attain success without a group effort that includes everyone?
I have no shame and will continue to pursue greater achievements all my life, even more so than the typical white American straight college grad trapped into the traditional idea of the way life “should” be. I am happy, healthy, educated, motivated and already successful at a young age, and without enemies or naysayers. My life is worthy of marriage, children and happiness and I wish your group wisdom to accept what the world is, and humbleness to admit your wrongdoings.
Some points to consider:
Area
% are or have been divorced
South
27%
Midwest
27%
West
26%
Northeast
19%
The Associated Press computed divorce statistics from data supplied by the U.S. Census Bureau and the National Center for Health.4 They found that Nevada had the highest divorce rate, at 8.5 divorces per 1,000 people in 1998. Nevada has had a reputation as a quickie divorce location for decades. People from other states visited Nevada, fulfilled their residency requirements, got divorced and returned home single.
The data showed that the highest divorce rates were found in the Bible Belt. "Tennessee, Arkansas, Alabama and Oklahoma round out the Top Five in frequency of divorce...the divorce rates in these conservative states are roughly 50 percent above the national average" of 4.2/1000 people.
11 southern states (AL, AR, AZ, FL, GA, MS, NC, NM, OK, SC and TX averaged 5.1/1000 people. (LA data is not available; TX data is for 1997).
Nine states in the Northeast (CT, MA, ME, NH, NJ, NY, PA, RI, VT) averaged only 3.5/1000 people.
"Bible belt has nation's worse divorce rate," CNN.com, 1999-NOV-12. Online at: http://www.cnn.com/ (Cache copy as of 2000-FEB-11. The page has since expired.) A similar report is at: http://www.divorcereform.org/
http://www.publicadvocateusa.org/news/article.php?article=4551
I’m less than shocked – public advocate USA sounds like a diplomatic voice for the people and yet your gay-bashing office is located in Virginia. Who else but the south to think they know what’s best for the country? You may feel vindicated in rallying to deny gay people the right to be together, through a union or a marriage, but a valid point that was apparently overlooked is that you have no right, no place, no real knowledge of anybody’s life but your own, and that is true for any person in the world. So I’m wondering, how dare you try and decide what’s best for the country? What makes your opinion worthy when such obvious circumstances are about to birth a civil revolution like so many in the past? I know that the government’s purpose is to create, reinforce, and retain smooth operation from a top-down approach and accordingly laws must be put in place as guidelines. What I don’t know is how your purpose – banning two people of the same sex rights that any other ‘straight’ person can readily pursue – benefits yourself, your state, your region or your country. How exactly could two men being together act to the detriment of anyone else? If your twisted realm of thinking is imagining that allowing gay marriage will amount to all straight marriages being reneged, you are misinformed, and causing more harm and good.
Think about it: two gay men, typically educated and employed, without children pulling in decent salaries and happily living their lives in a community, including paying taxes to that community, etc. Then the opposite extreme: a man and woman with many children, uneducated, unmotivated, accepting welfare and unemployment instead of searching for a job to better their lives, and jeopardizing the success and healthy upbringing of their children. To be clear in my example, your group is advocating that it would be just fine for a man and woman to have as many children as they want, and have no regulation or hopes of leaving their close-minded community and bettering themselves and their children’s’ lives rather than two men or women together bringing money and wishing/promoting acceptance into their lives and towns? Obviously these are just scenarios and I don’t typecast those relationships as typical of straight people or gay people, I’m just going with the trend as I have seen it.
I myself am a 23 year old young professional, born and raised in NH, attended UNH with no financial assistance from my family, now in my third year of federal employment conserving land and natural resources across the country. I am an athlete: gymnast and dancer with goals to continue a successful career in both conservation and dance. I am extremely family and friend-oriented and have a huge network of people that love and support me. I want to be married, some day, and maybe have children too. What exactly, besides your unwarranted judgments and false accusations of blasphemy, makes me a bad person or unworthy of those things that I have worked all my life for??? Nothing is the correct answer. And what do you those in your group do with their lives, aside from ruining dreams of others? Your purpose should evolve from terrorizing innocent gay people into one that advocates for all marriages and all people. How will you even attain success without a group effort that includes everyone?
I have no shame and will continue to pursue greater achievements all my life, even more so than the typical white American straight college grad trapped into the traditional idea of the way life “should” be. I am happy, healthy, educated, motivated and already successful at a young age, and without enemies or naysayers. My life is worthy of marriage, children and happiness and I wish your group wisdom to accept what the world is, and humbleness to admit your wrongdoings.
Some points to consider:
Area
% are or have been divorced
South
27%
Midwest
27%
West
26%
Northeast
19%
The Associated Press computed divorce statistics from data supplied by the U.S. Census Bureau and the National Center for Health.4 They found that Nevada had the highest divorce rate, at 8.5 divorces per 1,000 people in 1998. Nevada has had a reputation as a quickie divorce location for decades. People from other states visited Nevada, fulfilled their residency requirements, got divorced and returned home single.
The data showed that the highest divorce rates were found in the Bible Belt. "Tennessee, Arkansas, Alabama and Oklahoma round out the Top Five in frequency of divorce...the divorce rates in these conservative states are roughly 50 percent above the national average" of 4.2/1000 people.
11 southern states (AL, AR, AZ, FL, GA, MS, NC, NM, OK, SC and TX averaged 5.1/1000 people. (LA data is not available; TX data is for 1997).
Nine states in the Northeast (CT, MA, ME, NH, NJ, NY, PA, RI, VT) averaged only 3.5/1000 people.
"Bible belt has nation's worse divorce rate," CNN.com, 1999-NOV-12. Online at: http://www.cnn.com/ (Cache copy as of 2000-FEB-11. The page has since expired.) A similar report is at: http://www.divorcereform.org/
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Changin' it up!
I decided that since I haven't blogged in like 2 months, and since my life is so hectic and crazy sometimes that I'll blog out of obligation, I am going to change the purpose of my blog. From now on my blog will be full of little tidbits to brighten my and hopefully your day...little things that are good to keep track of because they make you happy. I just got to work, so happiness is sometimes unattainable and usually in high demand, low supply. But thanks to my sister I have something good to say! She's gonna be in NH in two days!!!!! YES!!!!!!! and then we're going way the eff up in the Maine to celebrate my Sito turning 90!!!! There's gonna be so much family I won't know what to do with myself :)
Another thing that is making me happy right now: The fact that I submitted my application package (3 page cover letter, 4 page resume, 6 page narrative response to Knowledge, Skills, and Abilities, transcript, declaration for federal employment and letter of recommendation) for a job in California that I want more than anything right now! And I'm working on another for a position in Hawaii :) Life is good!
Another thing that is making me happy right now: The fact that I submitted my application package (3 page cover letter, 4 page resume, 6 page narrative response to Knowledge, Skills, and Abilities, transcript, declaration for federal employment and letter of recommendation) for a job in California that I want more than anything right now! And I'm working on another for a position in Hawaii :) Life is good!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Life=Life=Life=Life
Sometimes, God, you crack me up. Sometimes, I cannot believe how amazing this life is.
So Sunday afternoon, I was home all day-I mudded the living room, I read my book, I took my dog for a long bike ride. Later on, I was writing in my journal, feeling so unmotivated to write because I feel like I have nothing important to say right now, I am just busy. The first words I wrote were, "What are you doing here?" As in, what is my plan and what do I want to do with my life. I didn't end up writing more than a couple pages (and PS Hanna I am almost finished with the journal you gave me before I left for Montana! I used it quite a bit to vent and write down all the new experiences I had) and all of it was very mundane, very robotic sounding, as if I were writing just to write. I tried to turn it into a freewrite but couldn't lose that sense of control like I used to be able to in high school.
What am I doing here???
Sunday night I am up in my room on my computer and checking me email. I get one from a woman named Terry. I had sent a message to the two modeling agencies in NH with my basic stats and a few pictures friends have taken and Terry was from one of them. Her message went like this, "I have received and reviewed your e-mail and your photos. I can see that your dance and athletic background, as well as your ethnic background have provided you with a fabulous look! In reviewing your stats however, your height would limit you to acting for television or film and perhaps commercial print modeling. Male catalog and fashion models must be 5’11” – 6’ 1”. If you have an interest in learning more about our acting division and the potential for commercial print modeling, please contact me so that we can make arrangements for you to come into the agency for an audition. You may contact me via return e-mail or call me at the agency. I hope to hear from you soon, Terry."
Shwahhh?????????????? For real for real?????
For real indeed. I have my audition tomorrow! They want me to come in and read a quick script and chat and take it from there! I am so pumped!!!!! Then last night, another agency called me!!!! Friggin nuts! So I realized that with the effort I put in by sending that email and giving something a try, God gave me back just as much and opened the doors for who knows what! I am in a state of disbelief! We'll see how it goes....
So Sunday afternoon, I was home all day-I mudded the living room, I read my book, I took my dog for a long bike ride. Later on, I was writing in my journal, feeling so unmotivated to write because I feel like I have nothing important to say right now, I am just busy. The first words I wrote were, "What are you doing here?" As in, what is my plan and what do I want to do with my life. I didn't end up writing more than a couple pages (and PS Hanna I am almost finished with the journal you gave me before I left for Montana! I used it quite a bit to vent and write down all the new experiences I had) and all of it was very mundane, very robotic sounding, as if I were writing just to write. I tried to turn it into a freewrite but couldn't lose that sense of control like I used to be able to in high school.
What am I doing here???
Sunday night I am up in my room on my computer and checking me email. I get one from a woman named Terry. I had sent a message to the two modeling agencies in NH with my basic stats and a few pictures friends have taken and Terry was from one of them. Her message went like this, "I have received and reviewed your e-mail and your photos. I can see that your dance and athletic background, as well as your ethnic background have provided you with a fabulous look! In reviewing your stats however, your height would limit you to acting for television or film and perhaps commercial print modeling. Male catalog and fashion models must be 5’11” – 6’ 1”. If you have an interest in learning more about our acting division and the potential for commercial print modeling, please contact me so that we can make arrangements for you to come into the agency for an audition. You may contact me via return e-mail or call me at the agency. I hope to hear from you soon, Terry."
Shwahhh?????????????? For real for real?????
For real indeed. I have my audition tomorrow! They want me to come in and read a quick script and chat and take it from there! I am so pumped!!!!! Then last night, another agency called me!!!! Friggin nuts! So I realized that with the effort I put in by sending that email and giving something a try, God gave me back just as much and opened the doors for who knows what! I am in a state of disbelief! We'll see how it goes....
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