Goals

As of late the clouds have lifted from my line of sight. My vision has adjusted to see the expansive beauty of life, the long term goals at the end and everything in between. For so long I was overwhelmed by trying to find the meaning in my life. I found the answer by realizing I don't know the answer. I am one to believe that everything we do in life has meaning and only helps to develop knowledge of the self and the reason we're put here. So after a great chat with a great friend I was able to stop myself, erase the desire to already be at the end, and realign myself by setting up one goal at a time in hopes that the series of them will lead me to my ultimate goal....whatever that may be. How can i really know what I want beyond right now? Well I can start by figuring out how I want to define myself. I guess my ultimate goal is to be free...to do whatever I want, travel, see, be, whatever, whomever and wherever. But, I digress.

Goals. I found my next goal and that is to free myself of financial burdens. I am unique from many of my peers in that I am bogged down, literally being crushed by about $80,000 in debt from combined school loans and credit card debt. The credit card debt especially is nasty because it zaps my laughable monthly stipends. How am I ever supposed to get to a place that is free from all possession with that looming over my head? One step at a time, that's how. I can start by getting rid of the credit card debt because the school loans are deferred, thank GOD! yeah about a quarter of what i make monthly goes to credit cards, the rest goes to rent, utilities, gas, food, cell phone, etc. That's too much and especially the one card I've had since i was 18 that's charging me a 26% interest rate has GOT TO GO. Fuck them. I called last night trying to negotiate something, threatening to leave, questioning what the point of giving them business when they really have nothing to offer me. They had nothing to say in return except, "There's nothing I can do." Well, nothing you have to do, I'll do it for you. I will dig myself out of this whole and FREE myself. It will feel like flying when I'm done with you. I will get a job and erase school loans and any other debts and put myself up on the advantage. I can feel it and it's too good to go any other way. Watch out when I am set on something, I can create energy to move mountains and I always get what I want ;)