Yeah the whole my mom not having a job thing is getting really old. It's times like today when I wanna shake her in hopes of raising some ambition and motivation to get out there and get a job. She is in a tough position, and the economy is laughing in our faces, but seriously, it's been 3 and a half months of coasting on unemployment, my contribution, and the small income she makes taking care of her friend's elderly mother.

So last night I come home from gymnastics and one of my friends had told me about a job fair in Portsmouth. So I tell my mom about it. Today she's taking care of Miss Mary (the old lady) and I asked her, "Well, what do you guys have to do. Maybe you can stop in real quick and scope it out." (I mean how integral is it for Miss Mary to get to Walmart RIGHT after her haircut?) My mom was inflexible on this. I understand respecting your elders, but at what cost to yourself and your family?

I wish she could make a huge profit by selling our house and just move into a nice little condo that won't need as much work, won't cost as much, and will be 10000x easier to maintain. I wanna yell, "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO COME THE END OF THE SUMMER WHEN I WILL BE LEAVING NH???" I do not want to take a new internship in a new place and be burdened by old worries at home. It's like as the momentum in my life picks up, the burdens and worries come down harder and faster. I want to start living my life freely. I'm feel like I'm too young to start taking care of my mother.

What can you do, but keep doin'? Take it one day at time. God will answer all my questions in time.

Yahhhhh Friday!

Finally, it's Friday. I am happy because I have done a lot this week. I have much sleep to catch up on. I exercised a lot this week with Meggie and Kailie. Monday was dance and gymnastics, tuesday was my second ever yoga class that I'm now obsessed with and I bought a membership, Wednesday was modern dance, Thursday-yoga and gymnastics...a dangerous combo we learned. We were too exhausted after yoga to really do well at gymnastics. I couldn't even do the stuff that I do regularly every week!

Work is keeping me busy with lots of different types of tasks, which I am very thankful for.

I finished a book called "Travelling Mercies" by Anne Lamott. I have been on a religious/spiritual book kick. This book was pretty good though. It's nothing more complicated than a collection of stories of this woman's life and how they taught her about religion. Now I've moved on to Lord of the Flies...even at 50+ years old I can already see why this is a classic, it's extremely well written.

I have a date tonight...! I have no idea how it's going to go. We were supposed to get together a week ago, but he got sick and it was like 2 out during the day and I didn't feel like driving to Manchester with no heat. So it's on tonight. I was kinda over the idea yesterday because I don't think it's fair that I have to drive all the way to Manchester because supposedly this kid is so bad at directions without a GPS that he will most certainly get lost. I don't appreciate that kind of unwillingness, but he agreed to drive to the Thai restaurant and movie once I get to Manchester. He's a good looking kid named Josh, 25, a photographer...I'm interested to see how this goes. You never know until you try...but I've tried before to little avail. Trying to stay openminded is exhausting.

OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I decided that I'm not going to MT again this summer. I came into work last Friday and my boss handed me a registration form for National Association of Resource Conservation and Development Councils National Conference in Albequerque, NM. It is a week of conferences and tours, similar to what I went to at the Northeastern Regional meeting in CT. I thought about it and I've already been to MT and I need to continue to explore and see as much of this world as possible. I've never been to the Southwest so here is my opportunity. Then after I asked my boss' advice about what I should do, she suggested that I not go to MT but instead she will talk to affiliates in California and try to set up an internship for me out there once I finish this one! So there, I'm lined up to go to two new places. And before I go to NM, I'm going to take a week vacation and probably visit MT and CA for a few days. I'm so pumped! I have the best job ever. Speaking of, we had employee appreciation day on Wednesday to congratulate all the help with the audit. I ended up getting three certificates of appreciation, a lunch box, a t shirt, a button down and polo with NRCS NH embroidered on it, an LL Bean tote with the same decal, AND another LL Bean hiking pack! This was all after I stood up for my introduction and my knees hit the table, spilling my cup of coffee all over the table. So I stood there, mortified, but played it off and just said, "Well, I'm Ian." and everyone laughed! Later on when the awards were being presented and everyone was standing when they accepted them, the State Conservationist (top dog) called my name to which I quickly retorted, "I'm not standing up!" and again another round of laughter from my coworkers. It was funny and humiliating, and I wouldn't have changed it for anything!

Good News

Day 4--After gymnastics last night, my friends and I went to La Festa for a slice and a beer as per usual. On the way home I asked Stephanie for my one alloted cigarette of the day. I lit up and pulled my first drag and........nothin. I put out the cigarette. I didn't want it! I was so proud of myself. I really feel a change. Unfortunately I got pulled over not much later doing 76 in a 55, but the cop marked it as 75 (cause i'm a pro at kissing cop ass) and the ticket was only $100.

Today will be the real challenge though as I pop my first addy in a few days. Will I succumb to the compulsion to smoke or heed the better knowledge and find satisfaction in knowing that I'm cleaning my body out of harmful shit? We'll just have to see.......

New Post for New Year

Finally, 2009 is here. I have a good feeling about this year- I feel a surge of Abundance. I feel my mom will get a job soon. I feel that I am going to grow up a lot this year--once my internship ends I will on the lookout for a job and hopefully a career in conservation. I have given up smoking, sorta. I've had one cigarette a day for the past 4 days. But I am taking control of that because I know that I don't want to smoke. It's so unsatisfying and I think I am beginning to notice the effect it's having on my breathing at gymnastics. And that is UNACCEPTABLE! This is my logical approach: A timer begins counting the second you finish your last cigarette (or in my case, last pack of cigarettes). This time-counting signifies the time it will take for your body to heal and your cravings to wane. Here are the benefits to quitting smoking from day 1: Blood pressure and pulse may drop. Day 2: Carbon monoxide level in blood may return to normal. 2-12 weeks: circulation may improve and lung function can increase. After 1 year: excess risk of coronary disease is half that of a smokers. After 10 years: Risk of lung cancer is half that of a smokers. All these benefits are amazing but it's the excitement i feel in every second of not smoking that i am taking control of my body and my life. I love the way our bodies work and it is too blatently deleterious to smoke. Now, herbage on the other hand....that is still God's gift in my mind ;)