Advocating for...idiots?

I came across this article and was impelled to write a response letter:

http://www.publicadvocateusa.org/news/article.php?article=4551

I’m less than shocked – public advocate USA sounds like a diplomatic voice for the people and yet your gay-bashing office is located in Virginia. Who else but the south to think they know what’s best for the country? You may feel vindicated in rallying to deny gay people the right to be together, through a union or a marriage, but a valid point that was apparently overlooked is that you have no right, no place, no real knowledge of anybody’s life but your own, and that is true for any person in the world. So I’m wondering, how dare you try and decide what’s best for the country? What makes your opinion worthy when such obvious circumstances are about to birth a civil revolution like so many in the past? I know that the government’s purpose is to create, reinforce, and retain smooth operation from a top-down approach and accordingly laws must be put in place as guidelines. What I don’t know is how your purpose – banning two people of the same sex rights that any other ‘straight’ person can readily pursue – benefits yourself, your state, your region or your country. How exactly could two men being together act to the detriment of anyone else? If your twisted realm of thinking is imagining that allowing gay marriage will amount to all straight marriages being reneged, you are misinformed, and causing more harm and good.

Think about it: two gay men, typically educated and employed, without children pulling in decent salaries and happily living their lives in a community, including paying taxes to that community, etc. Then the opposite extreme: a man and woman with many children, uneducated, unmotivated, accepting welfare and unemployment instead of searching for a job to better their lives, and jeopardizing the success and healthy upbringing of their children. To be clear in my example, your group is advocating that it would be just fine for a man and woman to have as many children as they want, and have no regulation or hopes of leaving their close-minded community and bettering themselves and their children’s’ lives rather than two men or women together bringing money and wishing/promoting acceptance into their lives and towns? Obviously these are just scenarios and I don’t typecast those relationships as typical of straight people or gay people, I’m just going with the trend as I have seen it.

I myself am a 23 year old young professional, born and raised in NH, attended UNH with no financial assistance from my family, now in my third year of federal employment conserving land and natural resources across the country. I am an athlete: gymnast and dancer with goals to continue a successful career in both conservation and dance. I am extremely family and friend-oriented and have a huge network of people that love and support me. I want to be married, some day, and maybe have children too. What exactly, besides your unwarranted judgments and false accusations of blasphemy, makes me a bad person or unworthy of those things that I have worked all my life for??? Nothing is the correct answer. And what do you those in your group do with their lives, aside from ruining dreams of others? Your purpose should evolve from terrorizing innocent gay people into one that advocates for all marriages and all people. How will you even attain success without a group effort that includes everyone?

I have no shame and will continue to pursue greater achievements all my life, even more so than the typical white American straight college grad trapped into the traditional idea of the way life “should” be. I am happy, healthy, educated, motivated and already successful at a young age, and without enemies or naysayers. My life is worthy of marriage, children and happiness and I wish your group wisdom to accept what the world is, and humbleness to admit your wrongdoings.

Some points to consider:

Area
% are or have been divorced
South
27%
Midwest
27%
West
26%
Northeast
19%

The Associated Press computed divorce statistics from data supplied by the U.S. Census Bureau and the National Center for Health.4 They found that Nevada had the highest divorce rate, at 8.5 divorces per 1,000 people in 1998. Nevada has had a reputation as a quickie divorce location for decades. People from other states visited Nevada, fulfilled their residency requirements, got divorced and returned home single.
The data showed that the highest divorce rates were found in the Bible Belt. "Tennessee, Arkansas, Alabama and Oklahoma round out the Top Five in frequency of divorce...the divorce rates in these conservative states are roughly 50 percent above the national average" of 4.2/1000 people.
11 southern states (AL, AR, AZ, FL, GA, MS, NC, NM, OK, SC and TX averaged 5.1/1000 people. (LA data is not available; TX data is for 1997).

Nine states in the Northeast (CT, MA, ME, NH, NJ, NY, PA, RI, VT) averaged only 3.5/1000 people.

"Bible belt has nation's worse divorce rate," CNN.com, 1999-NOV-12. Online at: http://www.cnn.com/ (Cache copy as of 2000-FEB-11. The page has since expired.) A similar report is at: http://www.divorcereform.org/

Changin' it up!

I decided that since I haven't blogged in like 2 months, and since my life is so hectic and crazy sometimes that I'll blog out of obligation, I am going to change the purpose of my blog. From now on my blog will be full of little tidbits to brighten my and hopefully your day...little things that are good to keep track of because they make you happy. I just got to work, so happiness is sometimes unattainable and usually in high demand, low supply. But thanks to my sister I have something good to say! She's gonna be in NH in two days!!!!! YES!!!!!!! and then we're going way the eff up in the Maine to celebrate my Sito turning 90!!!! There's gonna be so much family I won't know what to do with myself :)

Another thing that is making me happy right now: The fact that I submitted my application package (3 page cover letter, 4 page resume, 6 page narrative response to Knowledge, Skills, and Abilities, transcript, declaration for federal employment and letter of recommendation) for a job in California that I want more than anything right now! And I'm working on another for a position in Hawaii :) Life is good!

Life=Life=Life=Life

Sometimes, God, you crack me up. Sometimes, I cannot believe how amazing this life is.

So Sunday afternoon, I was home all day-I mudded the living room, I read my book, I took my dog for a long bike ride. Later on, I was writing in my journal, feeling so unmotivated to write because I feel like I have nothing important to say right now, I am just busy. The first words I wrote were, "What are you doing here?" As in, what is my plan and what do I want to do with my life. I didn't end up writing more than a couple pages (and PS Hanna I am almost finished with the journal you gave me before I left for Montana! I used it quite a bit to vent and write down all the new experiences I had) and all of it was very mundane, very robotic sounding, as if I were writing just to write. I tried to turn it into a freewrite but couldn't lose that sense of control like I used to be able to in high school.

What am I doing here???

Sunday night I am up in my room on my computer and checking me email. I get one from a woman named Terry. I had sent a message to the two modeling agencies in NH with my basic stats and a few pictures friends have taken and Terry was from one of them. Her message went like this, "I have received and reviewed your e-mail and your photos. I can see that your dance and athletic background, as well as your ethnic background have provided you with a fabulous look! In reviewing your stats however, your height would limit you to acting for television or film and perhaps commercial print modeling. Male catalog and fashion models must be 5’11” – 6’ 1”. If you have an interest in learning more about our acting division and the potential for commercial print modeling, please contact me so that we can make arrangements for you to come into the agency for an audition. You may contact me via return e-mail or call me at the agency. I hope to hear from you soon, Terry."

Shwahhh?????????????? For real for real?????

For real indeed. I have my audition tomorrow! They want me to come in and read a quick script and chat and take it from there! I am so pumped!!!!! Then last night, another agency called me!!!! Friggin nuts! So I realized that with the effort I put in by sending that email and giving something a try, God gave me back just as much and opened the doors for who knows what! I am in a state of disbelief! We'll see how it goes....

Anger Management

I think everyone could use a little lesson in anger management this week. I personally am waking up hating life in the morning this week for some reason. And let me just add, I think it has to do with the way the planets are lined up and the influence it gives us because believe it or not, this thing is far reaching. Wednesday I was supposed to go to a meeting in Concord for the NH Sustainable Agriculture Coalition. My boss emailed me at 3PM the day before and told me she wants me to be there. Well Concord is an hour from my house, and because I don't want to drive my personal vehicle, I prefer to drive the 45 min South to Durham, get a govy car, and then drive the hour to Concord. Well this Wednesday, I woke up to sleet and snow and gross stay-in-your-bed-and-sleep-in kind of feeling. I slept in, which I shouldn't of because I was supposed to meet my boss in Durham around 7:30 so we could commute to Concord together. But instead I called her and left a message asking her if I should just meet her at the meeting and bring my own car. THE BITCH NEVER CALLED ME BACK! I come into my office and she left a message saying she brought her own car over, that she's expecting me to be at the meeting, and could I bring a 50lb box of paper to her office?? So I just went to her office (with the box) and waited for the meeting to get over. THE BITCH NEVER CAME BACK TO HER OFFICE! I was there from 10-2:30. I didn't do anything. And now I'm worried about how it will reflect on me.

Today is Friday. I went to bed at 10:30 last night, which is way earlier than usual. I woke up and felt like I got 4 hours of sleep, but it was so cute--Quince has been sleeping in my bed during the night and he curls up in a little ball and snuggles with me!!! hahah sorry, but he's getting old and not doing so well lately I can't help but celebrate his time here. Anyway, it was about 15 degrees out at my house and when I got in my car I screamed! I am so sick of being cold--cold feet, cold hands, cold face, stupid wool blanket, stupid broken heat. All of this is swirling in my head and I had to scream out my frustrations. My whole 45 min ride was cold. GRRRRR and my horoscope today says, "Rising tension could trigger conflict under a Virgo Moon-Mars-Uranus lineup that puts people at odds. Try to steer clear of them, and choose your words and actions with care."

Oh Boy it's been a minute...I am so effin happy right now though. I took my lunch break to go get tested on campus today. It's been about 10 months and i've had some less than reputable encounters but all is well in my body. How freeing to know this. My smile was so big walking back to my office. I feel like I actually know myself. Better than I've ever known myself. Relieving is one way to describe it, but it won't clue you into my utter ecstacy right now. Other than that I'm having a pretty good day. It's 40 out right now, which is much better than the 0 I went to work in yesterday. I was supposed to go to a Prescribed Fire training today, but after thinking about it, as cool a subject as it is, I don't want to sit in a training about it all damn day. And it's pretty irrelevant to my position and professional strivings. So I opted out, which was sneaky because everyone in my office assumed I'd be in training all day. Instead, I got an oil change and tire rotation and didn't get to the office until 10:15. I'm not worrying though. I worked until 6 last night. Anyone that gives a shit about the intern being late can eat a bag of dicks.

Last night I went to modern dance and learned an awesome new dance...I really need to start recording these things. And I worked, and really worked this time, for 10 hours yesterday. It's been nice to be free of adderall, free of cigarettes...all the nastiness is leaving my system. I feel organic and more like myself. I love not being dependent on artificial energy. When did I forget that I produce more than enough energy as it is?

Home life is scary right now. My mom still has no job. And in renewing her unemployment, will be without any source of income for 2 fucking months. Where are the people in charge of quality control and making a transition like this smooth? What if we lost our house? Got the electricity shut off? Why the hell is life shitting on her? I somehow remain aloof and cheery because I think you can beat any situation. I told her today not to let her worries master her, because when you worry, your worries master you. It's just money. It's not real. It's not a real thing like a book or a dog or a person. It's a symbolic system of debt repayment. GOD, why does it run our lives??

Tonight I am teaching gymnastics and hopefully getting together with my ex, Pat. He's so cute...i'm excited!

Yeah the whole my mom not having a job thing is getting really old. It's times like today when I wanna shake her in hopes of raising some ambition and motivation to get out there and get a job. She is in a tough position, and the economy is laughing in our faces, but seriously, it's been 3 and a half months of coasting on unemployment, my contribution, and the small income she makes taking care of her friend's elderly mother.

So last night I come home from gymnastics and one of my friends had told me about a job fair in Portsmouth. So I tell my mom about it. Today she's taking care of Miss Mary (the old lady) and I asked her, "Well, what do you guys have to do. Maybe you can stop in real quick and scope it out." (I mean how integral is it for Miss Mary to get to Walmart RIGHT after her haircut?) My mom was inflexible on this. I understand respecting your elders, but at what cost to yourself and your family?

I wish she could make a huge profit by selling our house and just move into a nice little condo that won't need as much work, won't cost as much, and will be 10000x easier to maintain. I wanna yell, "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO COME THE END OF THE SUMMER WHEN I WILL BE LEAVING NH???" I do not want to take a new internship in a new place and be burdened by old worries at home. It's like as the momentum in my life picks up, the burdens and worries come down harder and faster. I want to start living my life freely. I'm feel like I'm too young to start taking care of my mother.

What can you do, but keep doin'? Take it one day at time. God will answer all my questions in time.

Yahhhhh Friday!

Finally, it's Friday. I am happy because I have done a lot this week. I have much sleep to catch up on. I exercised a lot this week with Meggie and Kailie. Monday was dance and gymnastics, tuesday was my second ever yoga class that I'm now obsessed with and I bought a membership, Wednesday was modern dance, Thursday-yoga and gymnastics...a dangerous combo we learned. We were too exhausted after yoga to really do well at gymnastics. I couldn't even do the stuff that I do regularly every week!

Work is keeping me busy with lots of different types of tasks, which I am very thankful for.

I finished a book called "Travelling Mercies" by Anne Lamott. I have been on a religious/spiritual book kick. This book was pretty good though. It's nothing more complicated than a collection of stories of this woman's life and how they taught her about religion. Now I've moved on to Lord of the Flies...even at 50+ years old I can already see why this is a classic, it's extremely well written.

I have a date tonight...! I have no idea how it's going to go. We were supposed to get together a week ago, but he got sick and it was like 2 out during the day and I didn't feel like driving to Manchester with no heat. So it's on tonight. I was kinda over the idea yesterday because I don't think it's fair that I have to drive all the way to Manchester because supposedly this kid is so bad at directions without a GPS that he will most certainly get lost. I don't appreciate that kind of unwillingness, but he agreed to drive to the Thai restaurant and movie once I get to Manchester. He's a good looking kid named Josh, 25, a photographer...I'm interested to see how this goes. You never know until you try...but I've tried before to little avail. Trying to stay openminded is exhausting.

OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I decided that I'm not going to MT again this summer. I came into work last Friday and my boss handed me a registration form for National Association of Resource Conservation and Development Councils National Conference in Albequerque, NM. It is a week of conferences and tours, similar to what I went to at the Northeastern Regional meeting in CT. I thought about it and I've already been to MT and I need to continue to explore and see as much of this world as possible. I've never been to the Southwest so here is my opportunity. Then after I asked my boss' advice about what I should do, she suggested that I not go to MT but instead she will talk to affiliates in California and try to set up an internship for me out there once I finish this one! So there, I'm lined up to go to two new places. And before I go to NM, I'm going to take a week vacation and probably visit MT and CA for a few days. I'm so pumped! I have the best job ever. Speaking of, we had employee appreciation day on Wednesday to congratulate all the help with the audit. I ended up getting three certificates of appreciation, a lunch box, a t shirt, a button down and polo with NRCS NH embroidered on it, an LL Bean tote with the same decal, AND another LL Bean hiking pack! This was all after I stood up for my introduction and my knees hit the table, spilling my cup of coffee all over the table. So I stood there, mortified, but played it off and just said, "Well, I'm Ian." and everyone laughed! Later on when the awards were being presented and everyone was standing when they accepted them, the State Conservationist (top dog) called my name to which I quickly retorted, "I'm not standing up!" and again another round of laughter from my coworkers. It was funny and humiliating, and I wouldn't have changed it for anything!

Good News

Day 4--After gymnastics last night, my friends and I went to La Festa for a slice and a beer as per usual. On the way home I asked Stephanie for my one alloted cigarette of the day. I lit up and pulled my first drag and........nothin. I put out the cigarette. I didn't want it! I was so proud of myself. I really feel a change. Unfortunately I got pulled over not much later doing 76 in a 55, but the cop marked it as 75 (cause i'm a pro at kissing cop ass) and the ticket was only $100.

Today will be the real challenge though as I pop my first addy in a few days. Will I succumb to the compulsion to smoke or heed the better knowledge and find satisfaction in knowing that I'm cleaning my body out of harmful shit? We'll just have to see.......

New Post for New Year

Finally, 2009 is here. I have a good feeling about this year- I feel a surge of Abundance. I feel my mom will get a job soon. I feel that I am going to grow up a lot this year--once my internship ends I will on the lookout for a job and hopefully a career in conservation. I have given up smoking, sorta. I've had one cigarette a day for the past 4 days. But I am taking control of that because I know that I don't want to smoke. It's so unsatisfying and I think I am beginning to notice the effect it's having on my breathing at gymnastics. And that is UNACCEPTABLE! This is my logical approach: A timer begins counting the second you finish your last cigarette (or in my case, last pack of cigarettes). This time-counting signifies the time it will take for your body to heal and your cravings to wane. Here are the benefits to quitting smoking from day 1: Blood pressure and pulse may drop. Day 2: Carbon monoxide level in blood may return to normal. 2-12 weeks: circulation may improve and lung function can increase. After 1 year: excess risk of coronary disease is half that of a smokers. After 10 years: Risk of lung cancer is half that of a smokers. All these benefits are amazing but it's the excitement i feel in every second of not smoking that i am taking control of my body and my life. I love the way our bodies work and it is too blatently deleterious to smoke. Now, herbage on the other hand....that is still God's gift in my mind ;)