Oh Boy it's been a minute...I am so effin happy right now though. I took my lunch break to go get tested on campus today. It's been about 10 months and i've had some less than reputable encounters but all is well in my body. How freeing to know this. My smile was so big walking back to my office. I feel like I actually know myself. Better than I've ever known myself. Relieving is one way to describe it, but it won't clue you into my utter ecstacy right now. Other than that I'm having a pretty good day. It's 40 out right now, which is much better than the 0 I went to work in yesterday. I was supposed to go to a Prescribed Fire training today, but after thinking about it, as cool a subject as it is, I don't want to sit in a training about it all damn day. And it's pretty irrelevant to my position and professional strivings. So I opted out, which was sneaky because everyone in my office assumed I'd be in training all day. Instead, I got an oil change and tire rotation and didn't get to the office until 10:15. I'm not worrying though. I worked until 6 last night. Anyone that gives a shit about the intern being late can eat a bag of dicks.

Last night I went to modern dance and learned an awesome new dance...I really need to start recording these things. And I worked, and really worked this time, for 10 hours yesterday. It's been nice to be free of adderall, free of cigarettes...all the nastiness is leaving my system. I feel organic and more like myself. I love not being dependent on artificial energy. When did I forget that I produce more than enough energy as it is?

Home life is scary right now. My mom still has no job. And in renewing her unemployment, will be without any source of income for 2 fucking months. Where are the people in charge of quality control and making a transition like this smooth? What if we lost our house? Got the electricity shut off? Why the hell is life shitting on her? I somehow remain aloof and cheery because I think you can beat any situation. I told her today not to let her worries master her, because when you worry, your worries master you. It's just money. It's not real. It's not a real thing like a book or a dog or a person. It's a symbolic system of debt repayment. GOD, why does it run our lives??

Tonight I am teaching gymnastics and hopefully getting together with my ex, Pat. He's so cute...i'm excited!